Secure proof-of-funds attestation for real estate transactions

I hate dealing with mortgage lenders. "Oh Kyle you sent over a capital account with $5 million in it. The underwriters are hoping you can break down what goes into that." SHUT THE HECK UP! No I am not breaking this down for you. I make $500,000 per year. Cash flipping money. And you have the audacity to ask me what is in my $5 million investment account. Dummy! I am literally trying to buy a house for $120k. A silly investment. I can buy this out all cash. If I really wanted. But you are so stupid that you are asking me questions. No. Get on your knees and serve me! Going to be buying houses all cash now. This lending business is silly as heck.